Precious Gold and giving it away - what has this done to us?

Well dear Reader, I've spent a lot of time in thought on this one. For numerous reasons. One, because I honestly believe, the giving of ones virginity to the wrong man, is the start to our spiraling downfall to low self-esteem. Depending on where our lives began, how our lives began, and with whom as our parents, it began, the giving of this precious gift prematurely can only worsen our future lot in life, and sort of speak, lay the foundation for opening the tops and filling so much baggage we will carry throughout our lives. Baggage that will continue to creep up on us when we least expect, and when we wish more than ever that it didn't.

Another reason I've spent much thought on it is because I've raised two daughters. Both of whom I pressed upon with an urgency... not to give something so precious lightly! I beseeched them... to please wait until they had time with themselves. To know who they were. To grow into a woman that could survey her surroundings, and know without a doubt who and what she needed to complete her life, herself. I told them both... "There is only one man out there worthy of this gift, don't cheat him out of it!" Yes, I know this is the 20th century and things are..."So called" different now. Well, in my opinion - I'm not so sure about that. The only things that have changed in life, is modern technology. In communications, in travel, and in gadgetry. That is the only place where life has changed. Okay, okay, the music is different. Movies are different. What is allowed, is more tolerable. Fashion has gone up and down, and around and back again. Hairstyles have gone short, grown long, and back to short again, and true there are a multiple of colors that we can apply until we find one that expresses who we are.

And what is that?

I'll tell you, we're all so unhappy...we don't know what next to do with ourselves. So we're a nation grasping for any new thing to fill the holes that are in our lives, and in our souls. We're a bunch of babies with pacifiers in whatever form you wish it. And why? Because we're too stupid to admit, the new way... the present times, is all mucked up. We strayed from precise instruction and guidance off into doing our own things. And those very things, are creeping up on us and telling us the facts... we're ruining our lives. Now, how did I get to here from Virginity? Because just as it is a bad decision to just randomly give something so precious away, so followed the accumulating of more bad decisions, until we're so deep in them, that barely can we hold our nose above to breathe.

Oh well, let me stick to the "Virgin" issue, that's why you clicked here after all. So, let me think... the first time I heard the word - I was eleven years old and on the way home from school. In a small group of four girls journeying on our usual route home, when I learned what a virgin was. Teresa, Kimberly, Francine and myself...ages ranging from 10 to 12. Although I cannot repeat word for word how the topic began, I remember that the other three knew what it meant, "Virgin" and I did not. Because when I was asked, was I a virgin? My answer had been a defensive, "NO! I ain' no Virgin!"

"Who you have sex with?" This was asked I believe by Teresa.

Mind still spinning from being called a virgin, I answered defensively, "I ain' had sex wit' nobody!"

"You the one said you ain' no virgin!" This from Kimberly.

"She'on even know what a virgin is!" Francine laughed. "Do you?"

I was feeling pretty stupid now. Because we'd stopped on the sidewalk beside an old brownstone building, where I found myself against, surrounded by my virgin informants. "Girl, have you done it or not!? Had sex?" This from Kimberly.

I gulped... thinking...'what should I say?' What was more important... to be a virgin, or to have had sex? I didn't know, I'd never had this discussion before and I didn't want to look like there was something wrong with me. But if I said I'd had sex, what if they asked me questions? Of course, the expression on my face said it loud and clear... that I had not had sex, and that I didn't know what a virgin was. And so it was then explained to me, that a virgin is someone that has never had sex with a man before.

Well, let me tell you, that sent all sorts of questions and images through my mind. Needless to say, as life and I moved forward through it - I learned all I needed to know, and things I wish I didn't know, about losing your virginity and the cost of it. The value of it. What the premature losing of it would wage towards your social image & self-respect. Respect given because of avoiding the act of losing it. And the loss of respect for placing it before someone, or anyone that was not worthy. When I was a young girl, "The Virgin" and the getting her - was the challenge for the neighborhood guys. To obtain that "Gold", and reach that goal, of, please excuse me, some may get offended by this term, "Popping her cherry"!" Seemed to be the ultimate achievement of crossing over into manhood.

So naturally, when a girl reached a certain age, it was her time to wade through the sea of pleaders to give it up. Those that did not, were crowned as, The good girls - the decent girls - the girls who would grow up to be somebody! These were the girls that guys fell in love with! - Whom they imagined as their wives, and the mother's of their children.

But what about the ones, who didn't know the rules? Who weren't explained the value of holding on and saying a clear and distinct, "NO!"? What about the ones, who were good girls, but were lost girls? What about the ones who were hungry for love, by whichever means it came? The ones who were deemed, called, labeled. "Easy." "Cheap." "Sluts." "Whores?" in the white world, in the black world, it's "Hoe." What of them? Were they truly doomed to be nobodies? Had their worth truly been squandered like a treasure spread among many? No longer worthy of it's gain, because too many had taken a piece?

*Sigh* I dread this topic, because so many guidelines, principles and structures were not in place for so many of these girls -(I am, was, one of them)-. And so once the damage is done, they must strive to garner a strength to pull up from a stigma placed on them due to their ignorance, bad choices, and an unfor-giving society. Question is, has anything changed? Does those things still matter? Does a man still desire a "Virgin"? And past 16, are there any left? I've asked that question to many young, and older men, and the answer was, as I knew it would be, Yes. Any man would consider it a precious and rare find, to actually be able to date, and marry a virgin.

But what's the likelihood of finding a virgin now days that isn't jail bait? Because of the odds in our present day, men have given up on the notion. As a matter of fact, in many societies, it's almost unheard of for a girl to get out of high school with her virginity in tact. That's sad. Many have admitted to losing it prom night, in fact. So since the occurrence is now rare and almost unheard of, does that mean it should continue to be discarded as one would undesirable clothing?

I so disagree. Because I truly believe, that when women lost the desire to be held in certain high esteem by men...that which was held, being respectable, feminine and chaste... I think the world tilted on it's axes, and everything fell out of balance... and no one knows what their role in life is anymore. I think we're all confused and baffled, and chasing our tails. I think so many issues with the family unit, and the basis of our society went to hell in the back seat of a 69 Chevy too many times, with too many giving it up. Women have stopped teaching the important etiquettes to their daughters. Instead of equipping them with guidance, structure and chaperoned entertainment. They equip them with birth control for just incase. Mainly because we're so busy building careers, that it's every woman for herself, including young girls who are not yet women, and by the time they are... they will have made a hundred mistakes with the fixes being; giving it up for adoption; sadly, abortion and dreadfully, desertion. Neglect or disposal by hideous means. And those that will try to stick it out and raise the child themselves, often times, where through trial and error, grandmother ends up raising the child in the end.

By the time all of this has taken place, irreparable damage has taken place. Following this, a list of lives that will be ruined, and society growing thick with delinquent adolescence. Children hungry and abandoned. Women walking the streets. And life as we know it, deteriorating by leaps and bounds. Being a woman, and the assignment given by "GOD" was a very serious one. One in which as time went by, was unappreciated by men. So, eventually causing women to abandon the role for a more "Worthy" role and position in life. One where she could be noted as having a value.

Well low and behold, who would have ever thought it, she already had the most important assignment on the face of the earth. Given to her, by the creator of man and the earth. Genesis 2: 18; 20-22... Where GOD had already stated that man needed a helper, a compliment to him. And so we were made. Thousands of years later, we're still helping...but no longer as a compliment. We've decided to forgo our GOD given roles and assist man into plunging us all ever deeper into global ruination.

How did I come to this conclusion? All from the loss of ones virginity? Well, it seems to me, when we lost sight of it's importance, and of our place in society as the backbone of a chaste, moral structured society, we lost sight of everything. Nothing else seemed to matter. So everyone threw their chips into the air, and said..."Let them fall where they may, and let's see what we get." Well now we see...

You know... I could go on and on, about this. But it's long enough already. And before I close... yes, I'm fully aware that women were being mistreated by men. Abused and misused, without fairness of mind nor recognition for the value of our roles. But believe me, they regret it now. Because look at our world. I didn't even delve into the psychological ramifications of giving it up too soon to the wrong man. Ramifications to not only ourselves as women, but what it has done to the male role as well. But I should, and so... this is to be continued. *sigh*

In conclusion... this is my opinion. Take it or leave it. But it's based upon what I've seen, heard, and experienced during my own lifetime. And I will say, the old fashioned way... was the best way. We should have kept the old fashioned structures, and gotten rid of the flaws of it. We should have tweaked it! Not changed it. We should have kept what was right, and yanked out the bad stuff.

As I said... to be continued

Copyright © March 2002 By Mercedes Keyes,
All Rights Reserved